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1. He wipes his drool on me. 2. He eats sticks and then pukes. 3. He drinks every drop of water he can find. 4. He pukes up his water at least twice a week. 5. He pukes up his food and then eats it. 6. He licks himself, um, inappropriately. 7. He eats the armpits out of shirts. 8. He’s a food stealer. 9. He claims the furniture. 10. He farts. So, what does your dog do? Is yours grosser than mine? 
Comments:
12 Comments posted on "An almost perfect mutt"
Mayra Calvani on May 16th, 2008 at 6:54 am #
What a hilarious post! God, can I relate to that or what?! My golden is exactly the same! I just finished reading the book, IT’S A DOG’S LIFE…BUT IT’S YOUR CARPET. One of the questions the vet answers in the book is why the dogs lick their–well you know what. The answer is: because they can. Mayra Calvani’s last blog post..On the Author/Illustrator Relationship…
feefifoto on May 16th, 2008 at 7:02 am #
My first dog was quite spoiled (can’t imagine how she got that way) and never saw the logic in housebreaking. But I loved her madly anyway. feefifoto’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Years Worth Of Varmint Visitors
Ty Brown on May 16th, 2008 at 7:38 am #
Ha! Good post. My Rottie is a bit of a drooler/puker as well. You need to switch that food, though. It could help with eating cat poop (although somewhat doubtful at this point) and could definitely help with the farting. Ty Brown’s last blog post..Question about a lab
Lora on May 16th, 2008 at 7:45 am #
hahaha! My dogs do almost all those nasty things.. We dont have kitties so they don’t get access to litter snickers. Mine are also neutered and they dont really care about “down there” (thank goodness.. that would drive me nuts) Lora’s last blog post..Bush’s Baked Beans are a NO-NO!
Jazmin on May 16th, 2008 at 8:04 am #
This is hilarious. We don’t have a dog, so we cannot tell you about ours. But my favorite passive aggressive thing to do is puke all over my human’s purses when I feel she has not paid proper attention to me. That gets her attention. Jazz Jazmin’s last blog post..Humans and Animal Rights
castocreations on May 16th, 2008 at 9:23 am #
hahahahahaha This really sounds like my Trooper Bear. Especially the silent but deadly toots. Did you read my post a couple days ago on drool? Trooper drools like a fountain. It’s so gross and makes the floors slippery. I had no idea that Malamutes drooled. Sheesh. But I also posted on these adorable drool towels that have the cutest sayings. Does your dog roll in poo? ‘Cause mine love it! In fact Kodiak rolled in fresh Sheep poo last night. Oh it was a joy to behold. I blogged about that today. *sigh* Goofy dogs. =) castocreations’s last blog post..My Dog Turned Green
Apryl DeLancey on May 16th, 2008 at 9:27 am #
Hahahahahaha! Yeah, dogs are quite amusing. I have the catbox with a lid that is turned against the wall with enough room for the cat to get in so that the dog didn’t use it as an all-you-can-eat buffet. Apryl DeLancey’s last blog post..Running and Triathlon Season
Lindsay Stordahl on May 16th, 2008 at 9:41 am #
I have the litter box adjusted now so it’s not in Ace’s normal traffic path. He rarely gets to it, but he will if he gets a chance! I will be switching his food soon. I did read about the malamute drooling. Ha, that is so gross. Jazz, you are hilarious! Way to keep your human in line! Lora, Ace is neutered, and he still licks down there!
Bonnie Story on May 16th, 2008 at 3:50 pm #
Hi! This post is hysterical!!!! I love the blunt descriptions. Any non-dogger would just flip their wig. I think mine even flipped! I remember the major drooling from my old Rottie days. The head-shaking that would make the gross-out “ropes” of drool end up crisscrossed around his muzzle. I call the cat-box treats “kitty roca”, cuz they do look just like Almond Roca candy!! I went to dog’s birthday party where the cake was decorated with a cat-box tableau on top featuring lovely kitty-rocas. Over the top! Pep also does roll in unspeakable things, like rotten crabs at the beach, and nasty-nasty possum poop. She’s really immaculate in the house, though, has never disturbed anything of mine, ever. I scored in that department! Religious crate-training as a pup, though. One thing though: When Pepper catches a mouse or rat, he parades with the body for a little, then places the corpse gently inside one of my husband’s shoes. He’s learned to shake his shoes out before putting them on. Anyone have a dog dictionary and can tell me what that gesture means? Is it love? Here’s to those rancid, room-clearing, big-dog farts! I do recall that the old Rottie did “run a little rich” way back when! Thanks again for the total crack-up today, Lindsay! Bonnie Story’s last blog post..CA Friends from the Wayback Machine
Liza S. on May 17th, 2008 at 12:39 am #
Hehehehe Ace sounds wonderful. A true dog’s dog. Keeda gets away with the worst thing of all, I think it even beats yours and this is definitely NOT something men should read When we let her out and about and forget to close the toilet door she gets used pads from the bin and drags them around the house! Thankfully they’re wrapped in toilet paper. I felt gross even typing that :S :S. Liza S.’s last blog post..How Do I Tell a Girl I Like Her?
Lindsay Stordahl on May 17th, 2008 at 5:07 am #
Haha! That’s a tough one to beat, Liza! So funny! Pepper’s got some good tricks, too!
abbey on May 17th, 2008 at 9:10 pm #
Ditto Liz with our Chels…gross abbey’s last blog post..Don’t Ignore Chels Post a comment
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One of my mutt’s favorite things to do is sneak a treat out of the cat box. Yup, my dog likes to eat cat shit, along with other gross things. Ace is far from the perfect dog, and I am far from the perfect owner. Here are 10 other things my mutt gets away with:
