The debate goes on about whether it’s better to buy a dog from a breeder or to adopt a shelter dog. But many of us adopt dogs from other people – dogs that aren’t in the best homes or dogs that are “handed over to us.”
I found my mutt Ace through Adopt A Pet of Fargo Moorhead. His original owner was doing her best to find a new owner for “Junior” with the help of the rescue group. Once I took the mutt off her hands, we did not talk again. We’d talked over the phone several times and met in person, but that was that. Mostly she just wanted me to get rid of that annoying, hyper pup that was adding more stress than he was worth. Sometimes I’ve wanted to contact her again – to ask her to check out my blog, to tell her Ace is a great dog – but I’ve lost her number and can’t remember her name.
If Ace’s previous owner ever does stumble across this blog, I doubt she’d even recognize him. He has a new name and in many ways is a new dog. He has a new life now, a better one. He has moved on, and so has she.
Dogs are re-homed all the time. That’s life.
If you want to stay in contact with your dog’s previous owner, you should. If you don’t want to, then don’t. It’s your choice, not the previous owner’s choice.
I won’t adopt a dog from a person who wants to stay involved in the dog’s life. But I’m not referring to breeders. Dog breeders are used to parting with puppies and remaining available for questions about the breed throughout the pup’s life. That’s great. It’s what a good breeder should do. I’m referring to the average family giving up a dog they’ve failed on.
I want to raise my dog, train him and socialize him my way. I don’t want someone hovering over me and asking how he’s doing or giving me advice. And I definitely do not want someone stopping in to check on what is supposed to be my dog.
That’s just me.
For other people, staying in touch with the dog’s last owner is no problem.
If you stay in touch with your dog’s old owner, here’s my advice:
Before you adopt the dog, decide with your own family how often you are comfortable interacting with the original owners. How often do you want them to visit you, call you, email you or write you? If you are annoyed with the people and can tell they are going to be clingy just by talking over the phone, then consider another dog.
If you don’t live in the same state or town, it will be easier. If you live closer, then it’s even more important to know what you are comfortable with. If you live in a medium-sized town like Fargo and they live in a small town, keep in mind they might want to stop in and see their dog every time they make a weekend trip to “the city.” But you have every right to say you do not want to continue a relationship.
Be prepared if the family decides they want to keep the dog after all.
This happens a lot. Sometimes family members know it’s best to part with their dog, but they feel guilty and just can’t do it. They change their minds at the last minute. Because of this possibility, don’t become too attached to a dog before you even bring him home. There are thousands of homeless dogs out there – several would be a good match for your family.
Once you have agreed to adopt the dog, tell the previous owners to always call before they visit. This will prevent unannounced drop-ins. Believe me, people can get very attached to and weird about their pets even after re-homing them. I’d get pretty annoyed if people started showing up every weekend.
Dogs can adapt well to a new environment.
As for the dog being re-homed with you, he will adjust just fine. I guarantee it. I adopted my mutt Ace when he was a year old. The best thing I did for him and his adjustment period was to walk him for an hour right when I brought him home. This helped him get rid of pent-up energy, and we started the bonding process right away.
Once you get your new dog home, start enforcing rules and training immediately. Continue walking him every day for a good half-hour or longer. Don’t be lenient because you feel bad for him about missing his old family. He will adapt much quicker if you don’t feel sorry for him.
It would be best if he could go a month before his old family visits, just so he can get used to your family and your routine and feel comfortable with you. Once a month or so has passed and things are going well, there’s nothing wrong with the previous owners visiting as long as you are OK with it. The dog would probably think it’s great! All his favorite people in one spot!
Remember, they are the ones who gave up the dog in the first place.
It’s their loss, their mistake. It’s your dog now, not theirs. If all you want is to send them a card or an email once a year, then that’s your choice. I recommend doing that at least once. It would be nice for them to know the dog is in good hands and loved. People have to give up dogs for many reasons, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about the dog anymore. Seeing that their dog is happy in his new home would help give the previous family some closure. It’s also a great way to show off how well you and the dog are doing.
Do you have a “hand-me-down” dog? Do you keep in contact with his previous owner?
By the way, don’t pine trees look good on my blog? That’s what happens when we roadtrip to Wisconsin, we get green trees in our winter photos!
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My situation is a bit different. The nice folks that had Gus before I did tell me that they rescued him from the shelter because he had no other options. He had been adopted out and brought back more than once. They had lost a dog of a similar breed and couldn’t bear to see him put down. They have said that they worked on him for a few months with the intent to find him a forever home. When we went out of town for a week, they were kind enough to watch him for us. We email every so often and are in contact on Facebook as well. They are really nice folks and they really love Gus. Gus loves them too, you should have seen him when we took him to stay over. It has been a great relationship!
In the past, I’ve made an attempt to contact original owners simply to get as much background information about the dog as I could have to work with in training. I did that with Jessie and Twist, and had very positive experiences with the previous owners. I didn’t keep in close contact with them however after the initial conversation. With Rogue, even though I knew she had been owner relinquished, I never made an attempt to contact the previous family. I felt that they had no information that would help me.
Then there’s Layla…since I have intentions of training her to do agility and obedience I wanted to know what her actual birthdate was, so that I could apply for a PAL number to compete in AKC events. When I talked to my friends at Sheltie rescue they said, “we can do better than that, we’ll give you the number of the people who bred her and that relinquished her.” “They’ll be glad to hear that she’s doing well.” So, I called and spoke with the wife and it went well I thought, she even offered to let me have the actual registration papers for Layla, since I wanted to compete with her. Well, when the time came to meet with them for the husband to sign the papers to transfer Layla to me…he was another story. He did sign the papers, but then he looked at me and said, “you know…this is just like me GIVING you a $400.00 dog!” I was stunned. I thought it was the rudest thing ever! The wife tried to smooth things over, but obviously, the husband was feeling regret that they’d relinquished her. I had every intention of keeping in contact with them and updating them regularly with pictures, but I reconsidered after that meeting. I think if anything I will send pictures when she’s a year old and then maybe not after that. I just think that it was causing problems between the husband and wife.
I have to say, his comment really ticked me off too, since I’d paid an adoption fee to Sheltie Rescue of $400.00 for Layla, I certainly wasn’t getting a free dog. Course I didn’t mention that was the adoption fee that Sheltie Rescue got, since that probably would have made him ever more upset. I’m just glad that the money went to a rescue and not to the breeder who couldn’t find a home for her in the first place! How’s that for bitter! LOL Sorry for the long rant. You hit a nerve on that subject!
I had to rehome a lab mix of mine due to a divorce and fire. Long story…but it was a very tough decision. I interviewed several families until I found just the right home. The only way I could bear doing this. It was a family with a stay at home mom, a LARGE fenced yard, a place where she would live indoors, they had two youngs sons to play with. I left it to the family to contact me if there were ever problems and said if they at all weren’t happy or were going to have to give her up to contact me and I’d try to work something out. I just didn’t want her ending up at a shelter. I checked in once about six months after to make sure all was well and got a warm reception from the family and let them know that any additional contact was up to them. I didn’t hear from them again but understand that she is their dog now. I hope my girl is happy with her family.
Thank you, everyone, for your input. Every situation is different, as we can see even in the four examples between the four of us.
It’s great when everything works out between the two families like with Apryl and Gus.
Marie, the husband in your story sounds like he has some issues and shouldn’t be breeding dogs! Thanks for sharing that story, and I’m glad you ended up keeping Layla.
Christina, I’m sorry you had to give up your lab mix, but you did what was best for her and found her a great family that loves her. That’s exactly what I would do if I ever had to give up a pet.
I got two of my dogs from people who had to get rid of them because of moving into non pet apartments. They cry every time they see me. So I don’t seek them out.
about 4 or 5 years ago, my husband had to give up our dwarfed mix lab puppy because we were so busy with school and such.
She actually found a home for herself because I was able to bring her to work. A volunteer came in and fell in love with her. It was a perfect situation similar to Christina’s stay at home mom a son, and 2 other dogs for her to be with. It was a smooth transaction with an open invitation to visit her. we did a few times with in that first year.
We’ve sent her pictures of when she was a puppy and they’ve sent us pictures of her with the family.
We didn’t have to set any kooky rules or boundaries, but I understand why you would need to. For example I had to convince her son over and over that we didn’t want her back or to take her away because she had such a good life with them.
on the other hand I wish I could find Jake’s previous owners. Just to fulfill my own curiosities. He is for the most part an incredible well mannered dog. He came to our home being very obedient and loving.
And a lot skinnier too.
I’ve made up my own ideas of what I think his previous family was like, and I imagine they were very sad when they had to give him up. The stated reason the shelter had for why he was given up was “move” So I’m hoping the parting was with sweet sorrow…I’d hate to imagine abandonment.
Walter on the other hand….he seems like a runner. but I imagine some one might have paid a lot for him, but not have missed him to much when he left….?
Nice looking dog, great picture! I love those pine trees in the background. We got a cat (Manny) from a friend who wanted to find him another home due to her being pregnant and not being able to keep taking her allergy medicine. I offered several times for her to come visit this cat but so far she hasn’t. Guess she wasn’t as attached to it as I am to mine. If I ever had to give up my cats, I’d for sure be happy about visiting them now and then.
The funny thing about our adopted dog is that Dennis was actually bred by me! He then spent seven years with his new family, and when the moved, we took over the house and the dog. We’ve had little contact about Dennis since they moved although occasionally I send them a picture to tell them know that he is fine. They can also follow him on my blog, which I think they do, from time to time. In any case, Dennis Mugu as we now call him is a different dog. Little by little we’ve been dealing with his numerous issues and with the help of Sheba, he’s turned into a pretty decent fellow! He no longer barks 24/24 and we don’t have to worry about him snapping at strangers any more. We still have tricky days when he wants to rule the household again (after all, that’s what he was used to!) but the response from us remains the same: Sorry bloke but that position is taken!
Personally I wish I could have gotten in contact with Daisies previous owner just to find out why on earth she was so traumatised.
So from their point of view I guess they are glad they have nothing to do with us! I think normally though, it is best to move on unless you have concerns about the owner, but in that case I would never let have the Dog in the first place.
Vee, I’m sorry your husband had to give up his lab mix. Even if the dog goes to a better home, it still has to be very hard. I can see why you would want to know about Jake’s previous owners. I’m glad I at least know where Ace came from. It helps me understand him better.
Thanks for stopping by, Karen. The previous owner probably thinks it would be too hard to visit her cat again – or she has just moved on.
Sounds like Dennis is better off with you, Esther! He’s lucky you were able to take him back.
I see what you mean, Three Dog. If I’d gotten a dog from a shelter or rescue, I would always wonder about his or her background. But that won’t stop me from adopting from a shelter!
I was talking to my husband about my desire to have known Jakes previous owners. He brought up a good point: Staying in contact with a previous owner only fills a need that we as owners have. Our dogs one way or another wouldn’t really care because they are present-minded.
And some of the ticks or quirks that they gain from previous owners can typically trained out of them, or in most cases loved and accepted.
Thought I’d share that with ya!
Hey! Thanks for sharing that. You’re right, dogs live in the exact moment they’re in. That’s how I know Ace would do just fine if I ever had to re-home him. He would gladly leave me for anyone with a tennis ball or food.
I’ve kept in touch with Brutus and Rufus’s old owner but only via phone and we dont talk that often. We are more friends than anything. She is just glad they are loved and were able to stay together. I dont think she regrets her decision to give them to me one bit and has never tried to give me advice or tell me I was doing something wrong with them.
I just adopeted a dog, after much searching, and after 2 weeks returned it to the shelter. It was so heartbreaking! I had totally bonded with him, loved him and miss him terribly. I am a single adult who works full time and he had terrible separation anxiety. He was the greatest dog but hated to be left alone. He panicked and it was hard on both him and me. I did not know this when I got him, and made the difficult decision to place him in a new home where someone wasn’t gone all day. Even with a dog walker I felt like he was suffering being left alone and I was never comfortable leaving my house which was also hard on me. I took him to a private trainer/vet who suggested puppy prozac. Instead, he is now living on a farm, with 3 other dogs, and owners who have a store so they take the dogs with them to work – so he is never alone. They also have 2 teenagers, including a teenager girl who loves him. My heart is still breaking but I feel he is better off. I would love it if the new owners who “stay in touch” and let me know that he is doing well and happy but I understand if they don’t. I thought you would like to hear the other side of it. Sometimes, really loving a dog, means letting it go. Previous owners have their story too…
Beth, thank you for sharing your story and your side. I think you made a good choice for the dog and for you. I hope you find another dog that fits your lifestyle better.
Tx Lindsay. I pray every day that Lucky is ok and that I did make the right choice. It was a gut wrenching decision, but then, on a sunny day, I picture him running around the farm with his new pals vs. crying alone in my kitchen on prozac, and I feel better. I am not yet ready for another dog…I still miss him way too much, but I know there is another dog in my future. And I am so grateful to his new owners for giving him the life he deserves. He was my first dog and he will be in my heart always.
Great advice! I recently paid $200.00 for a dog & 2 weeks later the dog has bit me numerous times. i gave back the dog and… Now the previous owner refuses to pay me back. i originally bought this 3 yr old female chihuahua to breed.i also have a male & female (4yrs old). this dog is so aggressive it bit me in the face. the previous owner finally gave in & picked up the dog 5 days ago. then came to my home with a police escort trying to return the dog s she didn’t have to pay me back the $200 bucks. any suggestions???
It’s unfortunate the owner wasn’t honest about the dog’s aggression before you adopted it. But you should’ve also spent more time with the dog and gotten to know it before adopting it. If it was so aggressive, how could you not realize this before agreeing to take the dog?
Honestly I’d just let the whole situation go. Sure, you’re out $200, but now you don’t have to deal with that dog or that owner again. Do more research before you adopt another dog.
I love coming to this blog, the pictures always brighten my day even when it’s gloomy outside
I hear you, all adopters with a big heart and yes, I stayed in contact with my gal’s previous thr’ Facebook. I do not attempt to make contact unless the family wants to btu I post pictures, birthday parties and videos for them to follow her progress. Though they often as they can join us in a park, they never made because they have 3 young children. But the wife always say her hubby made the right decision in giving up the lab pup to me. I am praying that when they eventually get another dog, they’ll go the adoption way too
Awww… for those who have to give up a pet with the best intention, and with due diligence done, praise you. You are right, to love completely means we have to learn not to cling but find your pet the best home you can (definitely better than what you can provide in those desperate times).
Guess I won’t be reading from any horrid ex-owners here…they don’t visit such blog; and I think it’s because the dog fairies have set a migical spell and barred them from here base on lack of credential! Sorry, it hit a nerve here too-lol!