Sometimes I think I foster dogs for the greater good. It seems like the right thing to do. I love dogs. I certainly tolerate dogs. I know a lot about dogs. There are always more dogs that need temporary homes as they transition to a better life.

On the other hand, I’m pretty sure I foster dogs for selfish reasons. It makes me feel valued. A dog loves me no matter what, even if we just met. Even if I make all kinds of mistakes.

Barkley is one of those dogs. He came with a unique set of “issues.” I want to help him, but helping Barkley is also a way to help myself.

Everyone wants to know “the story” behind every rescue dog. Was he abandoned? Was he a mill dog? From the pound?

And if we don’t know these stories, we create our own.

Barkley could be one of those dogs, too. A dog with a made-up story about how he was abused and abandoned. I could be his hero.

An insecure dog

Barkley has a hard time dealing with stress. On our drive home, he shook the whole time. A lot of dogs will pace in the car or try to climb into the front seat. If I get out, they might bounce from seat to seat or scratch at the window. Barkley just shook, frozen.

At our house, Barkley had to learn how to go up and down the stairs.

When I moved a pillow from the couch to the floor, he wouldn’t go near that pillow.

He has a hard time understanding when it’s safe to walk through our glass patio door and when it is not.

In rare instances, if I move towards him in a certain way with a certain energy, he lashes out. Or sometimes he just crouches really low and urinates.

The poor dog, you might say.

And if I didn’t know Barkley’s story, I too would probably piece together some tale about his troubled past.

Sadly, there are dogs out there being abused. Right now. And there are dogs out there that have experienced violence. There are dogs that are suffering.

Barkley is not one of those dogs.

Most dogs have not been abused, not even insecure dogs like Barkley.

Here’s the real story about this little dog:

Barkley lived in a home with the same person for almost three years. And she probably loved him.

Tragic.

There are no fill in the blanks. This dog has had a good life.

The only sad piece to Barkley’s story could be from the very beginning.

He originally came from a pet shop – Pets R’ Inn at West Acres Mall in Fargo, N.D.

He is a “designer” dog. Half Yorkie. Half Maltese/Lhasa Apso.

That opens up a whole new discussion, I know. And what it highlights is that a dog’s breeding can determine quite a bit. Likewise, the first few weeks of a pup’s life, whether they are nurturing or not, have lasting effects on the dog he will become.

We can’t change that for Barkley. We can only move forward. That’s what he wants. That’s what every dog wants.

What’s the story of this one little dog?

His “story” is a good one. It will end happily. There’s likely an adoption in the works. He has a lot to look forward to.

Perhaps someday I will call myself a pet “guardian.” Not today.

I am very aware of the words I use to describe my relationships with my pets. I’ve used the term “foster mom” and “dog mom,” and I do so lightheartedly.

I do not really believe Ace is my child; I don’t want him to be. I do not believe my parents are his “grandparents” even though we use the term for fun.

These kinds of beliefs deprive Ace of his dog-hood. He is not a human, he is a dog. He knows he’s a dog, and he’s happy being a dog!

A cat “guardian”? Ha!

My cats are an even better example.

I love my cats very much, and one of the things I love about them is their wildness. They don’t depend on me, at least not as much as I’d like to think. Most cats could survive just fine without people.

Beamer is a survivor. Pure animal.

When I need a reality check, I look to him.

Beamer doesn’t need me. I am not his guardian. If he could comprehend that statement, he would probably weave around my ankles politely and say, “Oh, you poor human. It’s OK.”

When Beamer was allowed outside, he caught and killed all kinds of small animals – bunnies, mice, moles, birds. He would be gone for days, even in January. We figured he slept in window wells, under vehicles or whored his way into other homes.

We live in an area now where our cats need to be indoors or closely supervised outside. I guess we are being their “guardians” in that sense.

I know Beamer was much happier when he was allowed to roam. He was free to hunt and run and climb and have sex and scratch and kill. I look forward to the day when we move to the country so my cats can be outside again. I hope this happens sooner rather than later.

Ace

My mutt Ace, on the other hand, is very much dependent on me. Maybe that’s why people believe they are guardians of their dogs. The love I feel for Ace is different than the love I have for my cats, and I think it’s because of this dependence on me. In that sense, I am like his guardian.

In another sense, though, Ace is my guardian.

When Josh, Ace and I are out backpacking, Ace will keep us both in sight, even if we separate. If Josh is setting up a tent and I am off gathering wood or taking photos, Ace will sit somewhere in the middle, watching us. If trees block his view he will travel back and forth between us. I like to think he’s watching out for his pack, but I don’t know what he’s really doing.

It doesn’t happen often, but every now and then when we are out late at night or early in the dark mornings, Ace will spy or smell a shadowy figure and growl. Maybe he’s scared. Maybe he’s protecting me. Maybe he’s only protecting himself. I don’t know.

Would Ace fight for me? I don’t know. Would I fight for him? I already do.

I will continue to do everything I can for this dog for the rest of his life. He is in many ways my best friend. He reads me like no one else can. He predicts my movements, senses my frustrations, seems to read my mind.

Maybe part of my problem with the term “pet guardian” is that Ace is better than that. I am not his guardian. We are partners in crime.

Legally, what is a pet guardian?

Used as a legal term, “pet guardian” is an attempt to change society’s relationship with companion animals. The idea is we shouldn’t own another living creature. That all sounds nice, but legally it’s not so simple. What it really does is remove the rights of pet owners.

As a pet owner, I have the freedom to decide what is best for my pets. As a pet guardian that freedom is taken away. Choices are made for me.

A pet “guardian” is required to act in the “best” interest of an animal according to a court system. So if someone decides you are not acting in the best interest of your pet, you will be forced to act accordingly.

Think these situations will never apply to you? I wouldn’t be so sure.

What about when you face decisions about euthanasia? The choice may be made for you. What if you decide to kennel your dog during the day to keep him safe? Not going to happen if the court decides this is not “best” for your dog. What if you decide to use a choke collar? What if you want to tie your dog in the yard for an hour? Allow him to stick his head out the window of your car? Allow him off leash?

As someone who works in the pet industry as a pet sitter and dog walker, these examples are scary. If pet owners are no longer owners but “guardians” I can only imagine what my insurance costs will be. I can only imagine the lawsuits that vets, boarding kennels and groomers could potentially face. Costs will go up for everyone, and there will no longer be such a wide variety of pet services. It will be too much of a risk for business owners.

I understand where people are going with the whole “guardian” concept. I’m just not sure I want to be a part of it.

I believe in a humane life for every animal, not just dogs. I believe people should treat animals with respect and dignity and kindness. This does not mean treating them like people or assuming our emotions are their emotions. It means acknowledging them for the animals they are.

Foster dog Barkley is a good boy and doesn’t make a peep until he knows I’m awake. The problem is, once he knows I’m awake he gets really excited and starts whining. I’m sure he anticipates seeing Ace and going for our morning walk. This anticipation puts him into an anxious frenzy.

I have a strict rule where I will not let Barkley out of his kennel unless he is quiet. But the longer I wait for Barkley to calm down, the more anxious he becomes. He doesn’t know how to calm himself. He just whines more and more. His anxiety builds until he is panting heavily, shaking and getting more worked up.

Plus, his whining frustrates me. A lot. I like my mornings to be relaxing.

So what should a dog owner do to stop a dog from barking in his crate?

We all know it’s best to ignore a dog when he barks. It’s not a behavior we want to reward.

I want to ignore Barkley’s whining in the morning, but he needs to get outside, eat and go for a walk.

Here’s the trick:

Quietly get up and let the dog out of his kennel before he starts whining. That way you reward him for being quiet.

Barkley’s whining is triggered by the sound of me walking around when I wake up. I need to remove that trigger.

Some dogs start barking at a certain time every morning, regardless of hearing their owners or not. If that is the case with your dog, you can still get up a few minutes earlier and let him out before he barks. That’s better than letting him out once he’s already barking.

Once you let the dog out for a potty break, it’s up to you whether you want to put him back in his kennel or let him be loose.

I choose to put Barkley back in his kennel while I go about my morning routine. He whines, but that’s fine. I ignore him until he shuts up. There is no urgency to get him out since he has already gone to the bathroom. He used to whine for 20 minutes. Now he quiets down within five.

I recommend giving your dog a treat like a Kong filled with peanut butter when you put him back in his kennel. That is a good habit, especially if you plan on going back to bed on a Saturday morning.

Reward the puppy when he is quiet!

When Barkley whines in his kennel throughout the day, I completely ignore him. He does not have to get outside just because I got home or just because I want to walk Ace. He can wait.

The tricky part is determining how long to wait before you let the dog out. You want the dog to be quiet, but for how long?

It depends on the dog, his level of anxiety and the exact situation.

My suggestion is to pre-determine the amount of time your dog has to be quiet before you let him out. Stick with that for a day or two, and slowly increase the time.

If you are dealing with a very anxious dog, then start small. Require him to be quiet for five seconds. Yes, seconds! Literally count in your head slowly to five. If the dog whines while you are counting, start over. If the dog can’t calm down, then you may need to shorten the time to three seconds.

Barkley can be a very anxious guy, but he does calm down if I ignore him and do other things. Ideally, I wait until he is completely calm and I haven’t heard any panting or whining for at least five minutes. Sometimes the whining starts again as soon as he hears me grab a leash or put on my coat. So then I ignore him until he calms down again.

I am fortunate to have a flexible schedule where I come and go throughout the day. I plan Barkley’s schedule accordingly. I understand when you are pressed for time you can’t wait forever for a dog to stop yapping. In those cases it’s best if you can still wait for a pause in the whining, even if it’s just a few seconds.

With an anxious dog, you really do have to work in small steps. If your puppy was quiet today for five seconds, then try for 10 seconds tomorrow and 15 seconds the next day.
It’s frustrating, and it takes a lot of patience. Trust me, I know.

Unfortunately, getting upset and yelling “No!” at the dog is not going to do much good. Most dogs whine because they want your attention. If you return and tell them “No!” that’s usually enough of a reward to encourage the behavior.

So take a deep breath, stay calm and ignore!

What if the dog never stops whining?

I met with a trainer last week to get some suggestions on Barkley’s issues. I asked her what to do when the dog won’t stop crying.

I liked her suggestion:

If you have to get the dog out of the kennel and he’s been whining nonstop for several minutes, go to him and have him “watch” or “sit” on command. Even if he’s been whining for 10 minutes, he will associate the reward for what he just did (eye contact or sit).

Barkley and I have also been attending a training class with Abby Cline of Pawsitive Vybe. She said if the dog doesn’t know the command for “watch” or “sit” quite yet, wait for him to do the behavior on his own. Mark the behavior with “yes!’ and reward.

Following these suggestions, Barkley has learned that nothing happens when he scratches at his kennel door. Nothing happens when he whines, either. Instead, he sits in the back of his kennel politely and waits for me to open the door.

Barkley has made lots of progress. Although he still believes he is the center of the universe, he is learning the rest of us think otherwise.

What tips do you have for teaching a dog not to cry or whine in his kennel?

Check out this post if you think your dog has separation anxiety.

Barkley is up for adoption with 4 Luv of Dog Rescue in Fargo. To adopt Barkley, the first step is to fill out a pre-adoption application.

Two little kitties on a big-dog bed.

One big dog on a little, kitty bed.

Sometimes there is just one kitty on the big-dog bed.

And sometimes there are two kitties on the big-dog bed.

“Oh, well.”

There is a lot of negativity around someone who decides to re-home an animal.

“Pets are for life.”

“Why would someone with a pitbull move to a place where pitbulls are not allowed?”

We are quick to judge when we know very little.

My mutt Ace is just one example of a dog who was re-homed.

Ace’s previous owner got him on a whim as a puppy. I think we’ve all heard that story before. She cared for him, gave him shelter and access to veterinary care. She taught him to go to the bathroom outside and to hang out by himself in a kennel. He got to grow up around another dog and also a cat.

His first owner did many things right, and she probably loved him.

But Ace’s first owner knew Ace wasn’t getting the attention or the time he needed in her home. He was probably also a financial burden.

Should she have kept him anyway?

I’m glad she didn’t, because now I have the dog of my life.

Sure, I could’ve found some other dog. And Ace would’ve been just fine living out his life with his first owner. He would do well in most homes. But things are definitely better this way.

Ace’s previous owner is a good person, and I hope she has opened her heart and home to another dog since parting with “Junior.”

What if the dog bites?

My parents – two of the world’s biggest dog lovers – gave up their American water spaniel when I was about 3. They took Abby to the vet to be put down after a biting incident.

Sure, my parents probably did not train or socialize Abby properly. They definitely did not do their research before getting a puppy the way they did.

Did that mean they should keep the dog no matter what?

They didn’t think so.

Did it mean they should never have a dog?

Thankfully, no. They went out and got another puppy a few months later. They’ve had multiple spoiled, happy dogs ever since.

Foster dog Barkley

People have already said things to me about foster dog Barkley’s previous owner.

“Someone gave up on him after just two years?”

“But he’s a Yorkie!”

This is the first time I have taken in a foster dog directly from the original owner. This is very different for me than taking a dog from a pound where I don’t know the dog’s story. It’s easy to put blame on a person you have never met.

I could tell that Barkley’s original owner is a good, caring person.

Sometimes a dog gets to be too much, and it’s nobody’s fault.

In this case, the owner was putting herself and a family member before her dog. This is not something everyone has the courage to do. It’s difficult to give up a dog. It’s difficult to contact a rescue organization and admit you can’t fix a dog, a dog you have raised on your own.

I am dedicated to working with Barkley to help him build confidence and to help him cope with stress. He may be a cute, little Yorkie mix, but he is still a dog.

I don’t hold judgement against his previous owner for raising Barkley a certain way or for obtaining a puppy the way she did. I don’t blame her for letting him go. I hope she is at peace with her decision and that she will get another dog someday.

In the meantime, Barkley will wait for an experienced owner with no children to adopt him. A home with other pets would be just fine. He is a happy, friendly guy 99 percent of the time, but some situations scare him, and he needs some help.

I don’t mean to make Barkley sound like a bad dog. There is no such thing as a bad dog. I always want to remain positive when it comes to my foster dogs, but I also want to be real and honest.

Simply, Barkley is just a dog.

Have you ever given up a dog?

Barkley is a 2-year-old Yorkie/Lhasa Apso/Maltese mix. More info about him coming soon, but he has been a good little guy so far.

I’m not trying to take away any credit from Barkley. I believe he really is a good dog, but part of the reason he has been so good is because I haven’t given him any opportunities to be “bad.”

When I welcome a new dog to our home, no matter what anyone tells me, I always assume the same:

1. The dog is not housebroken.

2. The dog is not good with dogs or cats.

I make all kinds of other assumptions, too. I always assume the dog will chew things he shouldn’t and that he’ll be possessive of food and toys. I assume he’ll cry when alone and that he’ll bark at other dogs on walks. I assume he has had no obedience training.

When I get a new foster dog, sometimes I won’t know anything about him other than what he looks like. In Barkley’s case, I got to meet his previous owner and she gave me lots of information about him. This was very helpful, but I still can’t assume he will act the same way at my house as he did at her house.

To help a new dog be on his best behavior, prevention can go a long way.

Potty training a dog – a few reminders

1. Just because a dog is housebroken in one home does not mean he is housebroken in another.

Dogs are contextual. It’s kind of like how I might not recognize my dentist if I run into him at the grocery store. He’s out of context.

2. Dogs don’t always ask to go outside or show that they need to go.

Some dog owners assume that a new dog will go to the door and whine when he has to go potty or that he will paw, pace or bark. I’ve had dozens of dogs in my home. Most do not ask to go out (or maybe I’m not getting the message). Do yourself and the dog a favor and head outside at least every two hours.

3. Male and female dogs could mark in your house.

Keep all new dogs on a leash and near you for a few days so you can supervise. Marking is not the same as having an accident. I’m not sure we humans know exactly what dogs communicate through marking, but we do know it sends a message to the other animals in the environment – I’m here! I think of it as a Facebook update.

4. If the dog peed outside right away but hasn’t pooped yet, just assume he still has to go!

Take him back outside every 15 minutes or so until he goes or head out for a walk to give him enough time to go. I notice a lot of smaller dogs will poop in the house unless you take them on at least a 20-minute walk.

5. Unless the dog is in his kennel, take him outside at least every two hours.

That way you will prevent accidents. It’s totally reasonable to expect a new dog not to have any accidents at all – as long as you are doing a good job getting him out often enough!

6. If the dog is not in his kennel, he should be under your direct supervision.

I recommend keeping the dog leashed at all times for at least the first three days.

7. Remember not to get mad if the dog does have an accident.

You don’t want the dog to be afraid to pee in front of the crazy lady who yells. Just get him out more often and reward him when he does what you want.

8. Slowly increase the dog’s freedom over time.

9. Go for lots of walks so the dog has plenty of opportunities to relieve himself outside.

Preventing dog fights – common sense

Barkley seems like a friendly guy, and I was not worried about any fights between him and my mutt Ace. Still, I know it’s best to take precautions. Here are some basics so all goes smoothly between your new dog and your other dog.

1. Don’t allow direct eye contact between the dogs when they first meet.

Try to keep one dog turned to the side or just move your own body in between them as needed.

2. Distract one or both dogs if there is any tension.

When dogs are tense, they are more likely to growl or snap. Sometimes a dog will tense up and then decide to do a friendly play bow, but I still like to ease the tension to keep the excitement levels low. I noticed Ace getting a little tense when Barkley was super excited, so I made sure to ease that tension by giving Ace a butt scratch and some friendly pats on his side. I also blocked Barkley from jumping all over Ace. He loves Ace!

3. Don’t allow the dogs to get too excited.

Playful excitement isn’t necessarily bad, but it can easily escalate from play fighting and chasing to an actual fight. I prevent this by allowing basically no playing in the house. No rough housing. No chasing games. No tug of war. No wrestling. Instead, I encourage the dogs to hang out quietly on their beds. Of course, we play from time to time indoors but I keep the energy levels controlled and I initiate the play.

4. Keep the new dog on a leash at all times.

Barkley has his leash on whenever he is not in his kennel. That way I can keep him near me at all times and also pull him back if he is bothering Ace or my cats. Sometimes a baby gate can also work well for creating a barrier between the dogs that still allows them to interact a bit. It’s still important to supervise the dogs whenever they are not in their kennels.

5. Trust your cat’s judgement of the dog.

My cats are used to dogs, and they can read a dog’s body language better than I can. I trust their judgement. They were not fazed at all when they met Barkley. They immediately claimed his blanket and checked out his kennel and toys. They had no need to jump to higher ground or to run and hide. They hung out at his level and didn’t even leave the room. If, on the other hand, my cats were tense, extra vocal or hanging out on furniture higher than the dog, I would know to take extra precautions.

6. Don’t get upset if your own dog growls at the new dog if it is an appropriate correction. 

Ace is generally laid-back and submissive, and I trust him around other dogs. It’s rare that he will snap or growl, but when he does it is usually appropriate. I do my best to keep Barkley in line and pull him away whenever he is getting too excited for Ace. But at one point in the last few days, Ace growled at Barkley to tell him he’d had enough pestering. Dogs communicate by growling, and there was nothing wrong with Ace telling Barkley to knock it off.

7. Pick up all toys and bowls so there is no resource guarding.

It’s possible for a dog to guard anything he sees as valuable. Most often a dog will guard toys, bones, food, other dogs or his owner. But a dog could guard pretty much anything like his bed, his kennel, a blanket, the couch, a certain room or even his water dish. Make it easier on yourself and pick up anything you can that either dog might decide to guard. Feed the dogs in separate rooms or in their kennels until you know there is no food aggression.

When the new dog is in his crate, that’s the perfect time to provide both dogs with special treats and chew toys. Some of Ace’s favorites are Nylabones, Kongs and  bully sticks.

What tips do you have for potty training an adult dog or preventing confrontations between the dogs?

Introducing Barkley!

Welcome, 2012.

I hope to be more like my dog. How often do we allow ourselves to experience this kind of happiness?

My dog loves life, no matter what.

We could head to the field out back every day to play, and Ace would still jump for joy each time.

“OH, WOW!” he seems to say. “I’m so happy you’re here!”

He’s almost 6 years old. I’m glad he still has some pup in him. He can sleep (and snore away) for an entire day, but he still loves a good adventure, a good run, a good game of chase.

This photo was taken at my parents’ house on Christmas Eve, quite possibly Ace’s favorite place. But he bounds around like this every time he plays, outside, anywhere.

I will try to live my life like that, too. To be happy just being.

I don’t care who you are – a dog, a friend, a random reader. May all your dreams come true.

She seems to know which dogs I might consider, and that sometimes I just need to be asked and I’ll take one in.

This time, she told me she just wanted to run a dog by me.

“Barkley” is a 2.5-year-old neutered Yorkie mix, she said. According to his current owner, he is a resource guarder and not good with cats. He also has some housebreaking issues.

Sounds like a charmer

Now, anyone who knows dogs knows these kinds of issues can typically be taken care of with some simple rules, a crate and a routine. Usually it’s a lack of leadership on the owner’s part and no fault of the dog’s. In this case, the current owner even admits she does not have the time or the energy to work with the dog. Instead, she wants to find him a good home.

When I am asked to foster a dog, my first response is always the same. It is my default response: “I will give it some thought.”

In this case, it wasn’t even 24 hours before I sent a second email:

” … I’d be willing to give it a try with him starting Jan. 2.”

So there you have it.

“Barkley” will be here after the New Year.

I can tell by his picture (below) that he rules the house where he lives now! Is that towel on the chair just for him?

I can’t wait for the opportunity to teach Barkley how to be a dog.

I am also a bit worried that someone named him “Bark-ley.”

Stay tuned …

Barkley is not officially with the rescue organization yet, but if you are interested in adopting him, you can start by filling out the pre-adoption application with 4 Luv of Dog Rescue. Once you are approved, the cost to adopt a neutered dog from the rescue is $150.

If you have any questions about Barkley or the adoption process, send an email to Lindsay@ThatMutt.com.

Instead, I ended up leaving Ace home that day. I knew my mutt would’ve been excited about a road trip, and I didn’t want that energy to make Cosmo nervous.

I didn’t try to explain anything to Ace and Cosmo before we left. I didn’t encourage them to play one last time. I didn’t encourage them to look at each other or say goodbye in any way.

Cosmo and I just left.

I’m pretty sure Ace gave Cosmo no thought as we drove away.

I also know Cosmo was not thinking about Ace during our drive to his new home, once we arrived or once I left.

When I returned to Fargo without Cosmo, Ace did not act differently. He wasn’t sad that Cosmo was gone. He wasn’t excited to be an only dog again. He was 100 percent neutral, as though the fostering experience with Cosmo had never happened.

I know some people will be offended by these statements. How could I “pretend” my dog is not sad? How could I ignore his feelings?

We live in a world where people need to believe animals experience the same emotions as us.

Instead, I try my best to accept my pets for what they are – animals. I treat them with respect by acknowledging they are not the same as me.

Ace would’ve enjoyed a road trip with Cosmo and I that Friday, but he certainly did not need any closure. He did not need to say goodbye to Cosmo.

Dogs come and go from our house often. Some stay for a few hours or a few days. Some stay for a week or a few months. The length of time is not relevant for Ace. Dogs come and go, and that’s that.

Although Ace can probably read my emotions better than anyone, he didn’t seem affected by the slight feeling of loss I expressed when I returned from Wahpeton without Cosmo.

I knelt down and gave Ace a hug the minute I walked through the door. He accepted the hug and was there for me, but neither of us lingered in sadness.

Each person who fosters dogs says goodbye differently

Many foster owners become emotionally attached to their foster dogs and will cry and feel depressed when the dogs get adopted. There’s nothing wrong with that. We all express our emotions differently.

Just remember that if you are sad, your dog will act accordingly. He will mope around simply because you are moping around. He probably doesn’t miss the foster dog as much as you think.

The day Cosmo god adopted, my fiance Josh did not say goodbye to him.

Initially, this made me sad. Why wouldn’t Josh want to say goodbye to a dog we’d lived with for five months?

But it makes more sense now.

Josh and Cosmo did not have much of a bond just as Ace and Cosmo did not have a bond.

Like Ace, Josh sees a lot of dogs coming and going and the length of time they are here is not relevant. He doesn’t form emotional connections with them the way I do. He cares about them and wants the best for them, but kneeling down and kissing a dog on the head is not something Josh would even think of.

The interactions between Cosmo and Josh were minimal.

Every few days or so, Cosmo would specifically choose to sit next to Josh. He’d wait next to him, panting, until Josh scratched him behind the ears.

In return, Josh would also make the point to kneel down next to Cosmo every few days. He would find him napping in a corner somewhere, pet him on the back and tell him he was a good boy.

They had a simple relationship – a good one – and neither had any reason to say goodbye.

Will my dog miss my foster dog?

Although my dog definitely does not miss any of our foster dogs, this may not be the case with all dogs.

Some dogs do miss one another very much. Some dogs form intense bonds with their foster “siblings.” Ace and Cosmo did not have that kind of bond. They never played or even acknowledged one another. They went for walks together, but they associated that excitement with the actual walk, not with spending time together.

Other dogs become best buds. They play all the time or nap on top of one another or feel some sort of love.

One of my pet sitting customers told me she brought her younger dog into the room too when their older dog was euthanized. I told her I thought that was an admirable choice. If I had two dogs with a similar bond, I would do the same. Sometimes dogs do need closure.

But when it comes to our foster dogs, Ace needs no closure. He doesn’t need to see where they end up. He doesn’t care.

It’s unlikely Ace thinks about Cosmo at all. He might catch a remaining scent every now and then. Maybe he picks up a whiff in the back of the kennel. Maybe a lingering piece of American Eskimo hair causes him to pause.

This is a simple part to my dog I appreciate. There’s no drama to it. He just moves on.

Did your dog get sad when your foster dog got adopted?

Discuss this topic and others at That Mutt’s new dog forum!

I wanted to share Ellie’s example because it tells a lot about the complex relationships we form with our dogs and how this is not necessarily good.

Ellie explained how every time she tries to pet another dog, Gemma growls and snaps at that dog. This is a problem because Ellie wants to get a second dog, and Gemma’s behavior would make that difficult.

She asked for advice on how to fix this problem.

I wrote back and told Ellie that it doesn’t sound like Gemma has an issue with other dogs. Instead, it sounds like Gemma has an issue with possessiveness. Gemma may be a bit insecure or fearful, but she feels secure and safe near Ellie. So, like many small dogs, she wants to guard her “power source.”

I told Ellie to take more control of the situation. She should learn to block Gemma from getting in between her and another dog by putting her arm out or giving a firm voice correction. I told her that she gets to decide which dogs she gets to  pet or hold. Gemma does not get to decide.

I told Ellie that she should consider putting a leash on Gemma, tethering her to a chair and ignoring her while she pets another dog. I told her to invite Gemma back once she is calm and quiet.

This is the kind of advice I give out all the time.

In these situations where a small dog has total control, the owners are usually offended by my suggestions and never visit my site again or they thank me for my tremendous help. It’s an even split.

Ellie did neither.

Here’s what she said (I edited her comment for grammar and length):

Thanks for your reply. Sounds like good advise, but don’t think I could do it. Gemma is a proper baby and absolutely adorable. Everyone loves her. I’m worried that with this method she will feel pushed out. She’s like that with my hubby as well, but not so nasty. I may just have to resign myself to just her. I can’t have her upset. Thanks so much again. 

You can read the whole conversation here.

It’s too bad, really. Gemma would probably feel much better if her owner would take more control. And it’s a shame if Ellie can’t get another dog.

But I don’t see this kind of honesty often, and it was a nice surprise.

I appreciate when someone admits she is the only one standing in the way of change. This is rare.

I also appreciate when someone disagrees with me but delivers her argument with genuine kindness. Also rare.

Most people choose to blame others – in this case, it would be the dog. Or, they get angry and deny the problem exists (forgetting they found my blog while searching for advise).

I get to hear about people’s “dog problems” all the time.

These problems are rarely “dog” problems at all. They are almost always human problems.